it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I could make wine with my vomit
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
