I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
