Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Drunk is not a location!
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
