Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
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the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
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I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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