Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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