I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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