Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
