Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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