Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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