Just took my morning after pill in the library
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
We left the knife in your bed.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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