I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
