your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
