you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
being pregnant is like rehab
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Someone came in the potted fern
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
