I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
