Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
