I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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