Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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