If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
