We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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