Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
