My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
