I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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