Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
