I'm gonna have a badass scar
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
