Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
You smell like stripper and shame
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
