it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
