I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
