I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
