Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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