Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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