how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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