Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
