everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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