we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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