I got chris browned last night
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
