Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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