Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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