Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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