i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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