i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
