I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
