We're like a lot better than the average bears
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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