god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
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