We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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