the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
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Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
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Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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