i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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