Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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