I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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