We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
