You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
