girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
