She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
