oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
