there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
