I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
is it fun? or sober?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
