i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
