You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
