If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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