I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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