just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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