I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I wear drunk well.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
