I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
What a dumb baby whore.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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