just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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