If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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