i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
