im having a threesome with these popsicles
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
