We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
