You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
