my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
