I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
