I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
