i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
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